For many of us, it’s one of the most difficult conversations we’ll ever have.
Aging parents are still adults, and they’re used to being responsible for their own lives and in control of their own routines. They’ve held jobs and raised children, both successfully. But as we age it’s often more difficult to keep up with daily tasks and household chores. Safety and mobility may become issues. As concerns about the effects of aging come to light, it may be time for adult children to talk to a parent who says they don’t need help but actually does. This is a conversation to be approached with sensitivity, and in this blog we’ll offer a few tips to help you do so.
Key Takeaways:
- Aging parents often resist getting help and support, and they have their own personal reasons for doing so.
- A collaborative approach along the lines of “let’s work on the problem together” is often better than a confrontation.
- It helps to lead with specific concerns and then expand the conversation from there.
- You don’t have to address all of it at once, or address it alone.
- Seniors are adults and should be treated as adults, so when talking to an aging parent focus on support and independence rather than limitations and control.
- Aging in place with some support from a senior care service may be a great solution for aging parents.
- New Estuary Home Care can help guide you through these difficult conversations and towards home care solutions that help seniors live rich, full lives in Wilmington NC and the surrounding area.
Why Do Seniors Resist Help?
It helps to understand why seniors sometimes resist help. There are many potential reasons for resistance to care; everyone’s an individual and that doesn’t change as we age. For some older folks, fear of losing their independence or control of their lives is a big concern. Others just don’t want to bother friends and family with their needs. Some don’t like the idea of having strangers in their home, or having to live elsewhere. And some may genuinely not understand that they do need help. For adult children seeking to talk to an aging parent, it may help to learn why they’re resistant to getting help and then address those concerns gently.
Collaboration, Not Confrontation
At any age, people respond better to collaboration and partnership than they do to confrontation and ultimatums. Put a bit differently, “There seems to be a problem, let’s work together to solve it” often gets a much better response than “You have to do this and you don’t get a choice.” Aging parents are people too—adults with a whole life behind them and many good years ahead. To the greatest degree possible they deserve choice and control during those years. Making the conversation an actual conversation rather than pushing them towards a solution can help with this.
The Importance of Small Things
As with so many of life’s challenges, it’s often best to start with the small things when talking to an aging parent who needs help. So instead of opening with “You’re not taking care of yourself” or “you’re no longer safe at home alone”, it might be better to open with smaller, specific issues:
- “The fridge seems pretty empty. Are you able to get to the grocery store OK?”
- “You get tired easily these days. Are you feeling well?”
- “You got lost while driving to our house last weekend. Can we talk about that?”
By opening with a specific concern, you can gradually expand the conversation to include overall health, well-being, and safety. You don’t have to address everything at once; sometimes it’s best to space this out over multiple conversations and gently guide the ideas along. This dovetails nicely with the “collaboration, not confrontation” approach we outlined above. Seniors are adults, and we need to treat them like adults even when they need a bit more help at home.
Senior Independence, Not Limitations
This is a key part of a conversation with a senior who needs help. The goal is to help them live a rich, independent life through their golden years. It’s not about putting limitations or controls on them but rather about expanding their lives by providing support and needed help. The right home care service can do just that: provide support that’s tailored to the needs of an aging parent and expand that care as needs change. Seniors are often happier when they’re aging in place, enjoying their golden years in their own home. By focusing on support independence via a care service rather than imposing limitations on them, the conversation often becomes much easier.
New Estuary Home Care Makes Senior Care Easy
Once you’ve had a conversation with a parent who says they don’t need help, it’s time to find the help they need. New Estuary Home Care provides in-home care for seniors in the Wilmington NC area with a focus on personal, supportive care services that allow older adults to live as independently as possible while still getting help with personal care, shopping and meal preparation, light housework and laundry, medication reminders, or just friendly supportive companionship. Talking to senior adults about home care isn’t always easy, but New Estuary Home Care can help smooth things along. Get in touch today for an initial consultation and we’ll discuss your options and how best to move things forward.
